@JohnLyonTweets: Email subject line: "Your invited." Thanks, I'll bring an apostrophe and an e.
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@DanMentos: [job interview] "Why do you want to leave your current job?" My boss is a total idiot "It says here you're self-employed?" Yes that's right
@shamans_heal: The doctor wants me to start eating healthier to add years to my life. It's like he doesn't realize I'm married.