@Home_Halfway: "Emma Stone" ~ Italian man telling you he's high
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@rsynder336x2: I always pick up a huge cucumber up at walmart and yell to my wife "you said you wanted the biggest one right" Because I'm a great husband
@pakalupapito: sleeping is nice because ur not actually dead and ur not awake so its a win-win situation
@joeljeffrey: I took my cat to Build-A-Bear so he could see what's going to happen to him if he pees on the carpet again.
@WilliamRodgers: BREAKING NEWS Justin Bieber said... And I quote, "Only God can Judge me!" THIS JUST IN ...Apparently I'm God.