@toomanytoes: "Endless shrimp" sounds nice until you realize they are serious. It's a threat. The shrimp will never stop.
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@TheDeadfishSays: "Everything the light touches is ours," I tell my son while opening the fridge.
@Kodotropo: *dad walks in on me doing homework* "HAH NERD MORE LIKE HOMOWORK" Dad you're still in third grade "Probably because I'm not a nerd like you"
@GrantTanaka: A good way to break up with a girl is to leave her a trail of rose petals starting from her front door to North Korea.