@KrunkedRobot: Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@EndhooS: [Troy in the olden times] "WTF is that?" A wooden horse "It's not full of soldiers is it?" [from in horse] JUST TAKE IT INSIDE & HAVE A LOOK
@vineyille: Trapped in a crevice. “Go on boy, get help.” The dog chews off my one free arm. “Ok yeah bring that back to town I guess”
@4ndBest: [Crime scene] Detective: the victim was high af when he died.. you could say it was *takes off sunglasses* D: blunt force trauma