@splendidcynic: Establish dominance at the dentist by hitting them with a rock and asking if THAT is comfortable.
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@Dildo_Hitler: Bruce Willis reaches for his iPhone but accidentally grabs his iPad and screams because he thinks he's shrunk
@davidgrossTV: ME: I'll have the burger. WAITER: And how do you like your burger? ME: I don't know. You haven't brought it to me yet.
@AndyRichter: Doctor in lab coat peers into microscope. "Good Lord!" he says. "His burrito levels are off the charts!" - from my autopsy
@Brentweets: Speed 3: Waitress has to keep talking about the day's specials or the entire restaurant explodes.