@ericsshadow: [eulogy] "Before we get started I'd like to ask Jenny, Dawn, Rachel, the deceased's 2 sons and the entire front row to put down your phones"
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Kendragarden: Getting older is pretty much just paying bills and finally understanding why killers in horror flicks target teenagers.
@KayRants: If you send multiple one sentence texts, I will mail a raccoon to your face I'm not kidding.
@Mr_Kapowski: I'm that guy who plays Pictionary and draws the shittiest representation of the clue and spends the entire time circling it at various speed
@Ygrene: Me: allow me to be a frank with you You: ok but don't you mean 'be fra-' Me: [is suddenly a hotdog] You: [is suddenly a hotdog]