@ericsshadow: [eulogy] "Before we get started I'd like to ask Jenny, Dawn, Rachel, the deceased's 2 sons and the entire front row to put down your phones"
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@MartaEffing: A humpback whale pulling millions of krill into its mouth, but it's me at a party where they just served shrimp.
@flashember: COME TO ME JOURNALBOT *Journalbot enters my study* ok write this down: Polar bears are bear ghosts. "polargeists" [very sad robot noises]
@RocketRankoon: *swivels around in evil chair* *evil laugh* *pets evil cat* *evil cat laughs* *jumps out of evil chair* "Holy shit, that cat just laughed!"