@ericsshadow: [eulogy] "Before we get started I'd like to ask Jenny, Dawn, Rachel, the deceased's 2 sons and the entire front row to put down your phones"
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@AndyAsAdjective: My wife made me coffee this morning & winked at me when she handed me the cup. I've never been more scared of a drink in all of my life.
@LazerPunch: I read that 83% of prison inmates are Christians...should I be concerned with my safety when I'm up in Heaven?
@MatCro: Wind In The Willows: Choosing Nicknames: Ratty: I'll be The Ratster! Toad: I'll be The Toadster! Mole: I'll be The Molest... I'll be Moley.
@Swishergirl24: Parenting is all about multitasking. Like trying to brush your teeth while you're rock climbing.