@Black__Elvis: Even if you disagree with his politics you have to admit that for a second term president he doesn't even look pregnant.
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@gogglepossum: Me: My body is a temple Personal Trainer: But what about all the food and wine and parties? Me: It’s a temple to Dionysus
@murrman5: I'm off to the store got your wallet? yes you sure? YES *hour later wife turns on news and I'm being chased by 6 cop cars and a helicopter*
@BruceForce: Some dude told me he's had 100 times more girls than me which made me laugh so much because 100 x 0 is still 0.
@kellysdf: Life was dangerous when I was young. We answered the phone never knowing who was on the other end.