@DTelf: Even on my death bed my wife will be telling me how she had a worse day than me.
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@KrunkedRobot: Got drunk and did my taxes, i am getting back 1 zillion dollars, 2 slaves, and somehow the state of Rhode Island, this can't be right.
@susie_meister: If we eliminated, "Is your car running ok?" from our conversations, my dad and I would never speak.
@causticbob: Do you ever wake up, kiss the person sleeping beside you and feel glad to be alive? I just did and I won't be allowed on this airline again
@VancityReynolds: People in LA are deathly afraid of gluten. I swear to god, you could rob a liquor store in this city with a bagel.