@chouse_Js: Eventually we’re just gonna have to accept “ducking” as a swear word
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@nealbrennan: When people are trending on twitter, I know that they died or said something racist.
@ParentNormal: Made a pact w/ my wife that if we’re 40 & kids haven’t stopped whining, we’ll meet at top of the Empire State Building so they can’t find us
@rickygervais: I'm hoping the nuclear strike button & the trap-door for hecklers button on Trump's desk are completely different colours.
@ColorMeScradd: MAN!! My boss is always all "Blah blah blah!", "You're late!", and "Get me more pictures of Spiderman!!"