@Parentpains: Ever get the feeling someone is watching you when you sleep? Yeah, sorry about that.
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@JohnLyonTweets: *approaches woman in club* Me: Would you like to dance? Her: Sure. Me: While you're dancing can I sit in your chair? I'm really tired.
@OBiiieeee: Ants can lift 20 times their bodyweight which is really helpful if you ever need help moving a single blade of grass.
@brockwilbur: My fav sci-fi this year is the Bank of America ad where the 30 year old dude with a new baby has $56k in his checking account.
@farleftcoast: Whenever anyone quotes the Bible to me I quote Harry Potter to them because I too love a good magical fiction book.