@JayUhOh: Ever have to pee so bad you let a pigeon watch your kids for a minute?
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@CyrusMMcQueen: Sexy lingerie is for single folks... cause when you married, and you gotta fold that shit, it loses all of its appeal... I’m over here struggling, makin a buncha thong balls... these joints is harder to fold than a fitted sheet... #SaturdayMorning
@Malocallidus: I wish IKEA was more like Lego.. on the back of the box it would show you 4 other things you could make from the same materials.
@stephenjmolloy: Wife: I'm seeing someone behind your back. Me: *frightened* Are... are they there now?