@mikeleffingwell: Every boy band song should have a part where they realize they're singing about the same girl & get mad at each other.
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@idigcrazychics: You can't boss me around until you're older than the whiskey I drink. -subtweet to my GF
@internetluke: [snapchat HQ] Boss: anybody got anything good? Guy (who smoked weed instead of working): people with big eyes puking rainbows?