@ZackBornstein: Every fork at your favorite restaurant has been in 100's of strangers' mouths
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@OctopusCaveman: Apparently, if a cop tells you to do something, you’re supposed to do it even if he doesn’t say “Simon says.”
@Mr_goose007: The pot called the kettle black. The pot is silver............we now have a situation in the kitchen.
@ashmensch: "Excuse me, but the sign says 'No shirt, no shoes, no service.' It doesn't say a goddamn thing about no pants." - Me, drunk at Target