@SamGrittner: Every horse you've ever seen has two people inside them. Horses aren't real. Commitment is.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Ladies, if you don't want to answer a question from a guy, say, "I already TOLD you. You never listen." We have no idea if you're lying.
@youngestneil: I bet parents get annoyed when their kids ask "are we there yet?" when they're fully aware they now live in a car
@seandunn76: Did I remember to take Ambien? I'll ask my lamp. He's speaking German but maybe I'll get the gist.
@Playing_Dad: Wife: Why is there a charge for $3,000 to Men's Warehouse? Me: I have no idea. Don't go outside tho