@Monicann86: Every morning I wake up super pissed at my parents because I have to go to work instead of living off a trust fund.
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@joeldanger: If you know shes had a bad day just ask her how she is doing. Then when shes talking you can think of a good tweet that makes fun of her day
@knot_eye: I just vacuumed my dog to cut down on indoor shedding, if you're looking for a life coach or whatever.
@ieatanddrink: I like telling car salesmen "Listen, we both know I'm not here to buy a car" and trying to figure out what it is they think I'm there to do