@brendohare: Every night someone breaks into my house & dresses me for the next day. I guess I'd be more upset if it wasn't saving me time in the morning
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@KimJungilSpirit: 4yo doctor visit: Doc: no more than 30 mins for 4yo on the iPad. I'd rather he play with mud. Me: .. Wife:.. Me: where do u download mud?
@TheBoydP: Headline: World helium shortage over due to discovery of helium field. Scientist: (high voice) This new supply of helium is a game-changer
@noneofyours99: I showed my family facebook a few years ago, and haven't heard from them since. Best decision ever
@PopSlapFunk: Dudes that only Retweet chicks: Your mom just called. Down to the basement. Come upstairs. Your dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets are ready.