@michaelianblack: Every picture I've seen of Neil Patrick Harris the last ten years has been of him adjusting his shirt cuffs. He needs better shirts.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Parentpains: Surround yourself with people that can't handle their alcohol, so you can drink theirs after they pass out.
@ahumanfireball: A perk of being in your thirties is waking up injured because you slept in a slightly different way than usual.
@briancthayer: Wife: Could you be dehydrated? Me: Of course not. W: How much water have you had? Me: Two coffees & a bourbon. W: Wow. Me: Told you.