@ANNIEwayyyy: Every since my Grandma discovered Netflix she’s been calling me w/ suggestions like “ok write this down, it’s called Friends, F-R-I-E-.....”
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@jonnysun: "it says on ur resume that ur good at saying unexpected things?" yes i am. … "but i thougt u were gona say something unexp-- oh wow ur good"
@TheRolo: I almost got ran over by joggers. I saved myself by pretending to be a stop light. I got away while they jogged in place.
@tweeterreader36: To the co-worker who had a 17 min conversation with me and didn't tell me I had a smudge on my forehead. It's on!!
@jwoodham: DATING TIP: Pick up the check. Pick up the table. Pick up the chairs and the waitress and the bartender. Everyone loves upper body strength.