@ANNIEwayyyy: Every since my Grandma discovered Netflix she’s been calling me w/ suggestions like “ok write this down, it’s called Friends, F-R-I-E-.....”
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@EJGomez: *emergency room* NURSE: "we're losing him!" DOCTOR [pouring like a lot of buckets of ice water on his head]: "IM WORKING AS FAST AS I CAN"
@VictorscarletJ: I know we just got divorced, but would you mind showing my girlfriend how to make an omelet the way I like them?
@ckretmsage: I started to keep a notepad beside the bed so that I can write down tweets at night, so far I have: Really shitty handwriting in the dark.