@Parentpains: Every so often my mother has a great idea, usually it involves leaving my house.
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@chelliet22: I start conversations with my children by saying "Listen to me," to ensure they stop paying attention from the beginning.
@LackOfShame: Brain: What day of the week did the 1st calendar day ever fall on? Do the math! Me: Seriously?! It's 2AM and I'm leading a meeting tomorrow
@ParentNormal: VOICEMAIL: I'm sorry I can't come to the phone right now, my toddler typed the wrong password 200 times so I can't try again until next year