@RealPrincessKim: Every teen trick-or-treating tonight got a handful of candy and a, "You must be heartbroken. I can't believe Justin Bieber died so young!"
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@thelaurenobrien: How many times did people question the honesty of Shakira's hips before she finally decided to defend them in a song?
@dadamantium: 4: Let's hunt turkeys, Daddy. Me: How do we do that? 4: Put up a big sign that says, "Come here, Turkeys!" I might be raising Elmer Fudd.
@WilliamAder: When it's "buy one, get one free," I have them put the free one in a separate bag so I don't get them mixed up.