@RealPrincessKim: Every teen trick-or-treating tonight got a handful of candy and a, "You must be heartbroken. I can't believe Justin Bieber died so young!"
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@blade_funner: (me as a paramedic) *rubbing two cymbals together* Clear! *slams cymbals together* WAKE UP!
@TheAlexNevil: "Give me the bad news, Doc--how long have I got?" "Your wife's procedure will be an outpatient one so unfortunately you can't go to Vegas."
@wendyraepearce: I just caught my husband smiling in his sleep. He's going to pay for that later.