@Book_Krazy: Every time I eat a cookie in bed, I imagine it screaming "I'M GONNA CRUMB" because I have something wrong with me
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@NickadooLA: Mitt Romney says that people who are voting for Barack Obama don't work and don't pay taxes. I guess that means Romney is voting for Obama.
@PrettyInCamo11: You know it's time for a pedicure when you can exfoliate one foot with the other one
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Coworker: What are those chocolate coins you guys get on Hanukkah called? Me: Gelt. Coworker: Guilt? Me: No, Jews get that all year round.