@Book_Krazy: Every time I eat a cookie in bed, I imagine it screaming "I'M GONNA CRUMB" because I have something wrong with me
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@SadPeruna: If by 'the Hamptons' you mean 'my pajamas', then yes, I absolutely weekend in the Hamptons.
@timdonakowski: Nothing is worse than having jock itch. ESPECIALLY within 100 ft of a school or playground.
@mostunladylike: He leans in, looks into my eyes, and lowers the lights. I go in for the kiss. And now I'm being escorted out of the opticians.