@OverlandParker: Every time I hear someone say "The Lord works in mysterious ways," I picture him performing miracles while doing the robot.
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@Macar00ny: Give a man a subtweet and he'll be like "is this about me?" Teach a man to subtweet you'll be like "is that about me?"
@itsWillyFerrell: My poem: I dig, you dig, we dig, she dig, he dig, they dig. It's not a very good poem, but it's very deep.
@jimmy_sharpe: [lights focus on guy in interrogation room] "Say it. SAY IT." *points at sign saying "Worcestershire Sauce"*
@hgracestewart: It's been scientifically proven that women who worry are smart. I must be a freaking genius.