@Mike_Wrong: Every time I wear a suit I hear the same five words. "Will the defendants please rise"
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@upsidedowntrash: You: *sneezes* Me: [hears phrases incorrectly but appropriates them anyway] kazoo night.
@SoVeryBritish: Trains delayed due to: - Wrong kind of sun - Ominous cloud - Slightly damp leaf - Chilly track - Suspicious gravel - Sarcastic swan
@BitchyJasmine: My neighbors loved the music so much when I turned it up, that they invited the police to listen. :)
@reesespiece_: Girls, your friends lied when they said chopping your hair off looked cute. They are just happy that their man wont want to bang you