@SortaBad: Every time I'm at a friend's house I look at the ceiling & say "You like to watch, don't you.." so I look cool if they have a hidden spy cam
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@timdonakowski: Why would anyone become an architect when everything you do gets destroyed in an X-Men movie?
@bobvulfov: [as i'm getting buried alive by a serial killer] wait stop who's gonna feed my tamagotchis
@Dawn_M_: If you say "guess who died?" with a big smile on your face some people get kinda angry.
@WritePlay: SIRI: Brian, what goes "blah blah blah, I don't know anything, please help me"? ME: Uhh SIRI: It's you. That's what you sound like.