@Ristolable: Every time you get a haircut, you're essentially returning your last haircut and exchanging it for the exact same thing
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@Coepacetic: At the disco last night. They played twist. I did the twist. They played jump. I jumped. They played come on Eileen. I got kicked out.
@BigBagOfScum: All my Facebook friends are starting to have kids. Better deactivate my acct. before they try to guilt me into liking pics of their aliens.
@protolalia: I only date men who have cats because they've been pre-trained to try and figure out what you want if you just stare at them long enough.