@JenAshleyWright: Every time you get dressed remember that, if you die, that's your ghost outfit forever.
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@HeyZeus666: I’d never snoop through my girlfriend’s phone out of love, a deep respect and the inability to crack her password.
@UncleDuke1969: *opens "Job Interview Handbook" *reads "dress for the job you want" *goes to computer *opens browser *Googles "ladies' bicycle seat costume"
@thetobbie: When jogging, if i get tired, I insult the people i pass in my head & then imagine having to get away as they chase me...