@haleysfalling: every time you say the word "turnt" a baby gets run over by a smart car
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@Dawn_M_: I only use shampoo that smells like raspberries so people don't think it's weird when I have jam in my hair.
@stephenjmolloy: [Interrogation room] Good cop: "Confess and we will go easy on you" Sweet tooth cop: "You bes- *hears music* -ICE CREAM MAN!" *runs outside*
@WilliamRodgers: I love when people spend 7 minutes trying to back into a parking space just so they can leave "quicker"