@SassyChantelle: Everybody always says say "No!" to drugs, but I'm thinking that if you're talking to drugs, it's too late
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@ClichedOut: *opens kitchen drawer* Me: Whoa, what's with all the whisks? Sir-Mix-a-Lot: Why you judgin me?
@PhilJamesson: Computer: Login failed. Did you forget your password? Me: oh shi-- [Cut to my password waiting alone on the side of a soccer field]
@joejwest: [pet shop] ME: I'm looking for a dog that can talk OWNER: Try this one ME: [to dog] Can you talk? DOG: No ME: My search continues
@OhNoSheTwitnt: A guy with a ponytail wearing mirrored sunglasses and camouflage pants just checked me out and winked at me. Still got it.