@iAmDelFreaky: Everybody at the party got upset when Baby Jesus turned the wine into breast milk.
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@Momtoteens: Daughter comes home with shirt inside out. Me: Why is your shirt on wrong? Daughter: I think you old people call it: "second base"
@jwoodham: DATING TIP: Don't reply to texts right away or you might look desperate. Just wait. Give it 5, 10, maybe even 15 years. Keep things casual.
@MissNaughty1801: 7y:why are you putting make up on? Me:to look nicer 7y:when does it start working?