@Thee1_4U: Everybody is complaining about their significant other, and I'm over here trying to keep mine charged above 10%.
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@fuzzlime: put a pic of a girl with perfect abs on my fridge so I'm motivated to suck in my gut every time I pull out the ice cream
@DamonHunzeker: Horses kill more people than sharks, which is weird -- I didn't even know horses could live underwater.
@wife3kidsnodogs: Wife: I'm hungry! Me: I'll order pizza Wife: YOU THINK I'M FAT! Me: *whispering* Has it been 28 days already? Wife: WHAT?! Me: what what??