@WindPushedGrass: Everybody values honesty, until they have an ugly baby.
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@djdarrellripley: My toliet has a lifetime guarantee! I never have to buy another one. When I die, my kid will inherit the throne. It'll be like Shakespeare!
@DadInUtah: 6 year old: Daddy, what if the plane goes down? Me: Don't worry, your mom is with us. She never goes down. 6 year old: What? Me: Want candy?
@causticbob: Kissing the back of someone's neck is a sensuous thing to do. Unless it's a stranger in a queue in Primark.