@WindPushedGrass: Everybody values honesty, until they have an ugly baby.
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@JessObsess: I tell people I'm narcoleptic so if I fall asleep when they're talking to me I don't seem rude.
@dlockw21: Don't give her a Fitbit for Mother's Day. I repeat, don't give her a Fitbit for Mother's Day.
@Dawn_M_: Do you remember that creepy girl who stood behind you on a train 6 years ago and was smelling your hair? Hi!