@kingsleyyy: Everyone gets on the fashion industry for unrealistic beauty standards, but can we talk about unrealistic depictions of food on boxes?
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@animaldrumss: Guy [beating me up for making a joke at an inappropriate time]: whos funny now you piece of shit Me: wait, you thought i was funny before?
@HeatherLuvsYou: A foreign kid asked me how to speak English the other day, so I teached him some.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: I've been clicking "remind me later" on this work software update for 2 years when is he going to get the hint that I'm not interested?