@kingsleyyy: Everyone gets on the fashion industry for unrealistic beauty standards, but can we talk about unrealistic depictions of food on boxes?
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@GrillinChillin9: Occasionally I set cases of beer out for the garbage men. Never know when you might need them to take out "suspicious" trash w/out questions
@Thynebear: [In Court] Does the Defense have any last words? *defense rises* DE-FENSE *Judge holds up picket fence* DE-FENSE *Jury starts The Wave*
@KenJennings: Landlocked countries with beach volleyball teams: who do you think you're fooling?
@WildeThingy: *Panda walks into shop, "A packet of nuts please." Assistant: "pandas don't eat nuts." -"dammit" panda suit opens and 36 squirrels run off.