@weinerdog4life: Everyone is freaking out because I brought my own gavel to court, no one knows if I'm allowed to do this, the judge is crying
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@superdadatron: I'm testing my theory that I can get away with putting a 0 or N/A in a work report that requires answers when I don't know the answers.
@mrtruthandsoul: Wife: We're going to Jessie's BBQ today. Me: She's the one with the big--- Wife: They're fake! Me: So? -liveTweeting from the DogHouse
@WheelTod: [Antarctic Courtroom] Polar Bear: “You hated your wife didn't you, Pingu!” Walrus Judge: “Careful Mr Prosecutor. You’re on very thin ice” Polar Bear: “Your honor, permission to approach the bench” Walrus: “No. I...” *Polar Bear takes step forward, plunges through melting ice