@Huntermoore: Everyone knows if you see a white guy with dreads you punch them in the face
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@MarfSalvador: [My band playing on stage] New GF’s friend: Which one is the boy you’ve been seeing? New GF: *sees me playing accordion* He died
@AngelaEhh: My coworkers sending dirty messages to other coworkers when I leave my computer unlocked is why I have trust issues. ... and dates.
@hazelmotes1: I need to get in shape. If I was murdered right now my chalk outline would be a circle.