@Token_Geezer: Everyone on twitter is single, pretending to be single, or about to be single
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@pauleggleston: I had my leg X-rayed today. The doctor said: 'Your patella measures 2.54cm'. I said: 'Inch-high knees?' He said: '您的髌骨是2.54厘米高.'
@SleazySli: [at a spelling bee] Judge: Your word is SPELL. Witch: *mumbles something under her breath* Judge: Ribbit