@PantsDonkey: Everyone please stop saying that today's date only happens once. EVERY date only happens once, that's how time works.
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@AlexRogaski: [Science Meeting, 1924] Why don't we tell the people that every snowflake is unique? It's not like they'll ever really check "Let's do it"
@zgbetty: This donut scented car air freshener is going to pay for itself next time I get pulled over.
@jergarl: Wife:Did you take ambien last night? Me: *recalls riding a unicorn that's on fire* No, why? W:The dog's wearing a saddle and she's orange.