@WeissBrandon: Everyone quits smoking when they die, which sucks cause dying is a really stressful event that would be helped quite a bit by a cigarette.
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@KentWGraham: Given their destructive force to homes, kids’ birthday parties should get names like hurricanes do. Birthday Party Hugo.
@duchesskk: "Let's play 21 questions" Nigerian Girl: how tall are you? Nigerian Guy: Rice. What's the worst thing you've done with a guy?
@Scott_A_Gilmore: ~ Gets old. Puts car keys in 'better' place so I won't lose them ~ Can't find keys, has thrombosis—Dies ~ Comes back as ghost … finds keys