@just1fool: Everyone should thank me for not being a doctor.
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@kidphonic: Funny how you can tell a child Santa is made up and they accept it immediately, but you tell an adult God is made up, and they throw a fit.
@LaziestCanine: Cop: can you describe the guy who stabbed you Me: yes, he was not very friendly
@julezmac: Football is so cute it's like some guys are like we're gonna get you and one guys like no no no no