@noog: Everyone’s all worried about World War III. Worry about the important shit. Batman’s fighting Superman in 2016.
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@Robert_Beau: I like to go on job interviews wearing an eye patch and switch eyes when the interviewer looks down.
@aidanjsears: INTERVIEWER: so what makes you qualified to work at comcast ME: *shows up four hours later* INTERVIEWER: you're hired
@ShortSleeveSuit: Him: Is that a horse drawn carriage? Her: I can't quite tell Horse: *sobbing* Well you try holding a pencil with your hooves