@FinnMcIver: everyone's always saying 'the good ones die young', 'god only takes the best'. so I must be immortal
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@gerryhallcomedy: My french toast just surrendered to my german sausage. Breakfast is weird at my house.
@NikkiGlaser: Social experiments where skinny people wear fat suits teach us to be nicer to fat people because it might be a skinny person in a fat suit.
@WilliamRodgers: I'd rather drop a baby than my iPhone.... I mean I can make another baby, but I have no clue how to make an iPhone.
@LizHackett: I assume anyone sitting alone in a car in the dark corner of a grocery store parking lot is waiting to meet a hitman who is running late.