@LeonEarlgrey: Everytime a suburban white kid throws up a gang sign, an angel misses brunch.
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@JerseyRambo: You know you're watching Star Wars with Catholics when every time you hear "May the Force be with you," you hear, "And also with you."
@eminmien: RIDDLER: What belongs to you, but others use it more than you do? ME: Every piece of kitchenware I own? RIDDLER: Well, no, but
@Cyd10e: If every day is a gift, I'd have to say today was a Fruitcake from Last Year Day. Recycled, disappointing and held together by booze.
@pleatedjeans: At marathons I like to put glitter in cups so when participants grab one and throw it in their face they get a party instead of hydration