@JimmySelfDest: Excruciating cashier small talk; brought to you by chip card readers.
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@CherBear162: Where's my cell? "Right there." That's not my phone. "Yes it is. I cleaned it!" My cell's white?
@cepheusjackson: WIFE: How's the ventriloquism going? ME: Not good. WIFE: But I got you that Ventriloquism For Dummies book. ME: I don't think he read it.
@Marlebean: It's like the only thing my kids learned from Snow White is that fruit is horribly poisonous.