@PlopWaffle: Executioner : Due to the power-cut we'll be using the acoustic chair.
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@Kyle_Lippert: If you look in your bathroom mirror & say "Donald Trump" 3 times, the hair in your shower drain rises up & starts yelling racist slurs.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: The new neighbors moved in today. I brought them a box of condoms to show how much I don't want anymore children living on our street.
@duplicitron: When God made raccoons he was like do you want to be an old timey burglar or a trash digger. Too slow. You're both now.