@PlopWaffle: Executioner : Due to the power-cut we'll be using the acoustic chair.
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@david8hughes: Wife: can you change the baby Me: oh thank god. I'm so glad you said that. Yes, yes I will Wife: I don't mean swap it for a new one Me: ...
@TarzanFeathers: Sperm can live inside a woman for like 2 weeks. Nine months if things go really wrong.
@bobvulfov: [posing nude] ME: make sure to capture all of my body's contours DMV GUY: again, this is entirely inappropriate for a license photo
@Purpell_Nurpell: People are always telling me I look like Hagrid from Harry Potter. I've never seen the movies, but she must be a beautiful gal.