@KevinBuffalo: Exercising can add years to your life. For example I jogged 4 miles today and now I feel like I'm 73.
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@QwertyJones3: [phone rings] "Hello?" Hi, is your refrigerator running? "WTF?" ...well Hillary is! Hi, I'd like to talk to you about the Clinton campaign.
@aka_fatman: Therapist: It's been 8 years since the death of your parents. How are you coping? Bruce Wayne: I dress as a bat and beat up strangers now.
@joebirbigs: I would have got the Google Glass but I don't have $1500 or any desire to strap the internet to my face.