@BlotterMonkey: Experience with women has taught me that Jack was most likely pushed down the hill.
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@Reverend_Scott: A dog needs to be the next president. "A dog can't-" When has a dog ever raised taxes or started a war? "I'll start the paperwork."
@TheAlexP: Whenever I hear "let me tell you the truth", I secretly cross my fingers, hoping they say "brownies are healthy, eat as many as you want."
@RocketRankoon: I order so much Chinese food the delivery guy must think I'm a middle aged divorced homicide detective in an 80s movie.
@KevinFarzad: Me trying to ask someone for a favor: Hey could you help me with this thing? Absolutely no pressure though. Totally ok if you can’t. If you’d rather run me over with a car that’s cool. Are you mad at me?