@nathanfielder: Experiment: text your parents "got 2 grams for $40" then right after "Sorry ignore that txt. Not for you" Then tweet pic of their response.
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@hazelmotes1: Having children really brought me and my wife closer together. We have a common enemy now.
@B1gBrainsMcGee: Apparently everyone was too high in the 70's when Grease came out to notice that every "student" at Rydell High looked like they were 35
@aparnapkin: What is it like to be a woman in comedy? I would say it's 1% jokes & 99% answering this question.
@ElleOhHell: "We're a completely paperless office." Wow, that's really cool. [Later, staring at iPad dispenser in bathroom] Well this sucks.