@neiltyson: Exterminators: The only profession in which you put yourself out of business by being really good at your job.
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@Social_Mime: Bartender - Would you like to try our pumpkin beer? Me - Can I have a different bartender please?
@radtoria: Whoever decided to use pantyhose as a bank robbing disguise must have had one hell of a speech to convince his buds to follow along.
@pregnant_cat: [casting call] -have u acted before? *shows VHS of me at a food court eating free samples like I might purchase the meal -oh this guys good