@Adar79Angie: Extra virgin olive oil is just olive oil who got dating advice from me.
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@BrainFumbles: Cop: Know why I pulled u over? Me: [slams fist on dash] NO, WHY?! Cop: Settle down sir Me: [marries, has kids, gives up ambitions] Cop: ...
@Norsebysw: There can be a guy with neck tattoos and a knife in his hand on the bus and I will still be the last person anyone sits next to.
@SonOfCha: Sometimes I'm depressed and then a girl stars one of my tweets and it's like YAAAAYYYY NEW GIRLFRIEND!!!!!