@Adar79Angie: Extra virgin olive oil is just olive oil who got dating advice from me.
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@Aspersioncast: Whatever happened to that little girl from The Ring, did she grow up to be Kristen Stewart?
@drinksmcgee: Someone just told me that they hate bacon... I can't even find words... It's like someone just murdered a rainbow.
@pleatedjeans: Wife: for the last time buy a terrarium Me: [drops 7 lizards into my shirt] why they already have a home
@_Water_Baby: I would rather see my husband with another woman in his arms than a hammer in his hand.