@TheSnideOne: Face tattoos are a great way to let people know that you don't owe on any student loans.
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@DCpierson: I'm a Lit major. I did my thesis on why my car is in the front yard and I'm sleeping with my clothes on.
@TheCatWhisprer: Hello Darkness, my old frie- *the lights suddenly turn on* oh it's like that now?
@markleggett: We only have world peace today thanks to the tireless efforts of thousands of former beauty queens who didn't give up on their dreams.
@JohnLyonTweets: [parent-teacher conference] Teacher: Which kid is yours? Me: I don't have kids. I just heard the teachers here are hot. T: M: How you doin'?