@TheSnideOne: Face tattoos are a great way to let people know that you don't owe on any student loans.
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@daisysunshine90: I need a man, not a boy. They will have much more structurally sound ideas for me to bypass the lava floor and make it to the blanket fort.
@squirrel74wkgn: [at the club] *crawling around on the floor* HAS ANYONE SEEN MY DIAMOND STUD MAGNETIC EARRING?
@SteveSuckington: *Wife screams* "THERES A RACCOON IN THE HOUSE. GET IT OUT" *I approach, raccoon cracks it's knuckles. I turn around* "It's his house now"
@MariyaAlexander: Cops have a new radar that lets them see through walls into our homes but imagine if this technology fell into the wrong hands! Oh wait...