@abhorrent_wife: Facebook is down, so don't say prayer doesn't work.
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@SnackMomSyndrom: If something happened to me today, my legacy would be how much my kids say "like"
@TheToddWilliams: [School band tryouts] ME: They say I have perfect pitch TEACHER: Oh really? Show us what you got *I throw a baseball right into the tuba*
@SteveSuckington: Talk to your kids about drugs. Always stay informed about what drug is cool. You don't wanna be a nerd parent.